All the way up until this last week I have wondered why people get so upset about turning 30. In fact, for the last few months, I would often say when asked how old I was "I'll be 30 in January". I dont feel old and its all a state of mind, right?....??? Or is it not so much a matter of "old" but more the fact that you are almost to the halfway mark of the average life span and you feel all in a rush to get another degree... or something like that. Or is it more that you are simply not in your 20's, the young, fun, exciting years and realizing you really have to be an adult now... for real. For me its been a matter of looking back on my life, while, yes, taking a big gulp that I am no longer in my twenties, and wondering what its been all about so far. I've consoled myself with things like - - in the last decade I have received my bachelors degree, gotten married, lived in three states, had several good... ha ha, that's funny that I even started to say that, I have really not enjoyed most of my jobs!!! Ok, so I had jobs that paid the bills and a couple good ones tossed in :); I have traveled to three countries, 11 or so states, bought a house, run a mini marathon, and hopefully some other valuable things that are just slipping my aging mind... groan.
But more than anything, I have really found myself reflecting on people. People that mean a great deal to me and whom I cherish. People I miss. This past year I have been so deeply thankful for the opportunity to reunite with old friends. Reconnecting with people who have known you intimately in the past is very healthy for the soul. It revives a person. I miss my friend Beth every single day for every reason in the world. I want to drive to Lakewood for the weekend and hang out with my college extension pastor's family. I would love to meet my friend Jes at a coffee shop because we have our own little book club. I wish Steve and Molly still lived across the hall. I want so much to be able to go over to my sister's house any time I want to or have all the munchkins for the weekend. I always miss my dad. More and more I miss my mom. She was 30 when I was born and although most of my young life while she was alive I didnt get to know her very well, I am grateful for the time I have had looking at pictures with my grandma and hearing stories about her. I miss the idea of her. I wonder if she was a better friend than I am. Abram loves the line from Dances with Wolves "Folks back home are saying - Why dont he write?" If good intentions were actually any good I'd be a great friend. but I find them to be quite worthless when I find time slipping by and realizing there are a whole lot of people who dont know how much I love them and how much I think about them.
A new year, a new decade in life. I believe the best is yet to come and I am excited about it. So to those whom i wish I could have over for coffee and cake but are tooo stinkin far away - Happy New Year.
check it out, 4 months have passed since I last posted.
