Two roads diverge in the wood...

I have officially set out to find out exactly who I am. This certainly isn't about discovering whether my favorite colour is pink or yellow. It's about about the nitty gritty of why God chose to make me. I'm created in His image- what parts did he give me? And how can I flesh them out. I have a daughter now and it is always quite interesting to watch other babies and see what is very uniquely IVA and what is typical of a wee one her age. We all are very similar because we are human. But God is the master of creativity. We are all unique. I have met people who can show more love and grace than I can, and I can show a lot. I have met others who can make me laugh till I cry and my face hurts. Others speak words of honey out of their mouth and I am inspired. These wonderful qualities each come from a Father and Creator who designed us. My husband builds things and takes pictures, John and Jared paint, Beth sews, mom crochets, Aaron and Titus play music. All of these creations come from design. Not everything we set out to create turns out as we envisioned or hoped. But that is only the case with God when we are the ones who muck it up. I cannot help but wonder (more than I should spend my thoughts on) what God's true plan and desire for me was. But now it is different. I can say that with confidence because there are too many choices I have made that certainly did not come from a plan derived by God. This is when I thank God earnestly for the story of Joseph and His gracious reminder to us that He takes evil and uses it for good. His good. So, here I am. What is in store? I have never been more excited to know. I have finally stopped looking at people around me and I am looking to my Father, my creator. He knows me and cares about how He made me and who He made me to be. I believed with all my heart that God was done with me, ashamed of me and could not use me. But God does not make anything useless. We may break, but He is the ultimate repairman. He wants to make something of me. I've exhausted myself trying to become what I think someone else might appreciate more. That is not God's intention for me. What does He want from me, and how can I use the qualities He gave me to achieve it. There is one thing I do know about myself. I love nature. I worship God best in nature. This is one thing I learned about myself this past year. I was greatly discouraged and had a heart to heart with God about the fact that I am not an avid reader and yet His means of communication is the biggest book ever. Where do I start, how do I find what I need NOW?? God allowed me to understand that finding a quiet time with Him in a cool breeze with the sun on my face; stopping for a moment to appreciate how the sun is coming thru the trees, over the mountain, thru the clouds; being awe-struck at the way snow falls, a river runs, the leaves change; these are moments with Him. I can come closer to God studying His creations and He takes pleasure in that. Now. That does not exclude me from His Word. After all, how would I know to study nature...Go to the ant you sluggard, consider her ways and be wise...if it weren't for His Word. I have a responsibility to memorize His words, then He will use them in me. I love the movie the Book of Eli. Not only because it is awesome to know that God's Word can never be destroyed, but when the words themselves are in your head, God can use them in your every day life in powerful ways. Phenomenal.